Tantrums: What’s Normal and What’s Not

Temper tantrums are a common and stressful part of early childhood. For many parents, tantrums can raise questions like “Is this normal?” or “Should I be worried?” The good news is that tantrums are a typical part of development for many children. Understanding why they happen, what’s expected at different ages, and when to seek extra support can help can help parents handle and monitor tantrums with confidence.

What Is a Temper Tantrum and Why Does It Happen?

A temper tantrum is an emotional outburst that may include crying, yelling, stomping, or refusing to cooperate. Tantrums often happen when children feel overwhelmed and don’t yet have the skills to manage their strong emotions or communicate their needs clearly.

In the brain, the prefrontal cortex is responsible for logic, impulse control, and decision-making. In young children, this part of the brain is still developing. When big emotions take over, the brain’s emotional center becomes dominant, making it very difficult for a child to think logically or calm themselves in the moment. This is why reasoning with a child during a tantrum often doesn’t work, their brain just isn’t ready for it yet.

Young children are also still learning how to:

• Express frustration with words
• Regulate their emotions
• Cope with disappointment
• Handle transitions and learn their limits

Because self-regulation is also still developing, children rely on co-regulation, meaning they “borrow” calm from a trusted adult to help their own nervous system settle. When a parent or caregiver stays present, steady, and supportive, it helps the child feel safe enough to regain emotional balance. Tantrums are not a sign of bad behavior or poor parenting, they are a normal part of learning emotional regulation.

Tantrums by Age: What’s Typical

Toddlers (1–3 years)

Tantrums are most common during the toddler years. At this stage, children want independence but don’t yet have the skills to do everything on their own.

Typical tantrum traits include:

• Limited language skills, leading to frustration
• Strong desire to be independent
• Short attention span
• Overstimulation
• Difficulty waiting or sharing
• Tantrums triggered by hunger, fatigue, or life transitions

Tantrums at this age are often brief but intense and may happen multiple times a day.

Preschoolers (3–5 years)

As language skills improve, tantrums often change as a result.

What’s typical for this age:

• Fewer tantrums overall compared to toddler years
• More verbal expressions of frustration
• Testing rules and boundaries
• Strong emotional reactions when expectations aren’t met

Preschoolers may still struggle with emotional regulation, especially during transitions or when routines change.

Early School Age

By early elementary school, most children have better emotional control.

At this stage:

• Tantrums become even more uncommon 
• Emotional outbursts may show up out of anger, frustration, or withdrawal
• Children may express emotions verbally rather than physically

Occasional emotional reactions are still normal at this age, but frequent or intense tantrums become less typical. Many children experience what’s often called “after-school restraint collapse,” where emotions that were being managed during the school day come out once they’re back home in their safe and familiar environment. These end-of-day meltdowns can be a normal response to fatigue, stress, and sensory overload and are not usually a cause for concern.

What Makes a Tantrum “Normal”?

A tantrum is generally considered normal when:

• It occurs in response to frustration or disappointment
• The frequency and intensity is age-appropriate
• The child is able to be comforted
• The child recovers and returns to an emotional baseline afterwards
• The child continues to meet developmental milestones
• Tantrums decrease over time as skills improve

Most children outgrow tantrums as they gain language skills, coping strategies, and improved emotional regulation.

When Tantrums May Need Additional Support

While many tantrums themselves are normal, certain patterns may signal the need for further evaluation. Contact your pediatrician if you notice:

• Very frequent or prolonged tantrums (15-20 minutes) that don’t improve with age
• Tantrums that occur nearly every day/ multiple times per day beyond age 4
• Tantrums that include aggressive behavior toward others or self-injury
• Emotional outbursts that seem extreme or difficult to calm
• Tantrums that interfere with daily life, school, or relationships
• Regression, or loss of skills your child previously had
• You feel angry or out of control when dealing with your child’s tantrums
• The tantrums are causing a lot of negativity between parent/parent or parent/child relationships
• Tantrums are accompanied by stomachaches, headaches and other signs of anxiety
• Tantrums are occurring in multiple settings (like home and day care)

When in doubt, your pediatrician can help determine whether behavior is developmentally appropriate and recommend next steps if additional support is needed. 

Wrapping Up – Tantrums: What’s Normal and What’s Not

Temper tantrums are a normal part of growing up, especially in the early years. With patience, consistency, and understanding, most children learn how to manage big emotions over time. If you ever have concerns about your child’s behavior or emotional development, your pediatrician is a trusted partner who can help guide you and your family with reassurance and support.